


Anaphylaxis for Penis

by Amurtinyburr12



Category: DCU (Comics), Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Allergies, Fluff and Crack, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 17:30:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5674543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amurtinyburr12/pseuds/Amurtinyburr12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick Grayson is allergic to rabbits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anaphylaxis for Penis

**Author's Note:**

> Based on one of the head canons from this Tumblr: http://wtjcanons.tumblr.com/
> 
> I hope I did it justice. (Pun absolutely intended.)

Dick Grayson was never one to be caught off guard. He had contingency plans for nearly every situation, even contingency plans for contingency plans. He's a bat scout after all- bat scouts don't do "caught off gaurd."

That unhelpful bit of information was what kept running through his mind as Wally, his best friend, sped toward him, grinning like a mad man, clutching in his hands a small fluffy white rabbit in an equally tiny cage.

He'd been sitting in his room when it happened, bored out of his mind. Bruce had gone to another charity event, which Dick had politely declined his invitation to (if he had to put up with anymore snooty women pinching his cheeks and following him around he'd definitely end up throwing one into a wall). Alfred had retreated downstairs- but not to the _downstairs_ downstairs-, doing whatever butlers do when they aren't butlering. There weren't any missions for the team to go on (stupid school nights) and Gotham's streets were eerily well-behaved tonight. The villains were probably all chilling at that one shady pub on Crime Alley moaning about the Dark Knight and his super awesome partner.

Anyways, when his favorite orange haired freckled speedster, Wally West, came zooming into his room, he was a) pissed that he'd somehow been caught off guard and b) super relieved. The relief was short lived. The smile creeping it's way to his face came to an abrupt halt the moment he saw the rabbit.

Fast enough to make even a speedster do a double take, Dick threw himself against the wall, with an easy (yet entirely unnecessary) flip off his bed and onto the floor. Immediately his eyes tightly closed and his hands flew up as if shielding himself from a deadly weapon. "Wally! Is that a rabbit?" 

The young speedster's face lit up into a grin. "You bet! Please meet  _Penis_!" 

Dick cracked one eye open to stare at his bro, because that's really all it took to glare rays of death at his friend. If he had a quarter for every time...well he'd be richer than Bruce Wayne. "You named your pet  _Penis?_ "

Wally shrugged and set the cage down by the acrobat's feet. "I named it after you, _Dick_." The way he said 'dick' made it impossible to tell if he was saying his name or trying to be insulting.

"Achoo!" Dick sneezed, and his hands flew to his nose which was already starting to run and turn red. The thirteen year old glanced down at the rabbit in barely disguised horror and inched away ever so slightly, still clinging to the wall. "I'm trying to be offended Wally, I really am. But right now, my life is in danger and I just," he paused to sneeze again, "I need Penis to go."

Wally frowned and picked up the cage confining Penis. "What's the deal? I thought you were part of the 'Protect the Animals' club or something." He shifted his weight and took a step closer to the younger boy. "You're acting like this is a nuclear bomb, dude. Calm down."

Dick staggered against the wall slightly, due to the fact that it felt like someone was stuffing his head full of cotton balls. "First of all, it's an environment club. And-," he wheezed, hand going to his throat. Was it just him, or was his neck shrinking? It felt like it was getting tighter. "This bunny _is going to kill me._ "

The speedster cocked an eyebrow in amusement and peered into the cage at the rabbit. "This bunny, Dick, is the size of your hand. You're telling me you've taken on villains as bad as Sportsmaster and Amazo but you can't handle a sweet little baby rabbit?" To prove his point, Wally unlocked the cage with one simple motion and pulled the tiny animal out.

"WHAT THE HELL, WALLY?" Dick's voice went up about three octaves, and instead of slinking away like he'd been doing before he abandoned all pretenses of reasoning with his obviously crazy best friend and made a frantic rush for the door.

If he'd been thinking clearly, he would have remembered Wally could get to the door before he so much as blinked. A gust of wind flew past him and the door slammed with a loud  _bang!_

Wally stood against the door, Penis cradled to his chest. "What's the matter, Grayson?"

Dick's face went slack, and his skin paled noticeably.

"I see what you're doing," Wally continued, oblivious to his friend's desperation. "You're scared of rabbits. I can't believe I never knew this but don't you worry Dickie, I'm here to cure you of your fear."

The heir to Wayne Enterprises suddenly wished he was surrounded by conceited sleazily dressed women squeezing his cheeks bloody instead of trapped in his room with Penis.

"Wally, please listen to me." It scared Dick how shaky (and extremely nasally) his voice sounded, but he held up his hands for the second time in two minutes in a 'hear-me-out-bro' gesture. "I'm _not_ scared, I'm just allergic to Penis." He looked at his freckled best friend straight on, deadly seriousness radiating from him.

Wally stared at his friend then down at Penis, then back at his friend. "Bro," another sly smile found its way to his freckled exterior. "Did you hear what you just said?"

Dick frowned and let his hands fall back to his sides. "Wally, I could die. I don't care what I said, get - _achoo!_ \- that damn rabbit out of my room." 

The carrot-haired teen quirked an eyebrow at that. "Does Daddy Bats know you cuss?"

Dick gave him a pointed glare.

After a dramatically drawn out sigh, the carrot-haired teen vacated the room.

Five seconds later and one rub at a runny nose and the speedster was back. Thankfully, Penis was not. 

"Penis is back in his cage at Uncle Barry's place," Wally plopped himself onto Dick's bed. His best friend nodded in confirmation, walking over and throwing himself face down onto his bed with a groan.

"I can't believe you let that thing come into my room," he moaned, voice muffled by the covers. His nose twitched involuntarily.

"I can't believe you never told me you were allergic to bunnies," Wally quipped right back.

Dick let out an inhumane groan that sounded somewhere between miserable and annoyed.

The bed rolled and shifted as Wally collapsed onto the covers beside Dick. "Well you never told me so how was I supposed to know you have an anaphylaxis for bunnies?" 

"Bunnies are evil, toxic little devils." Dick declared solemnly, ignoring Wally's politically incorrect term for 'allergy'. "Ten more seconds with that thing and you could kiss Dick goodbye."

Wally made a face, nose wrinkling in disgust, and tossed a pillow at the younger boys head. "Enough with the penis jokes, dude."

Dick sat up and cracked his own crooked smile at his best friend and promptly hit him back with the pillow, square in the chest. 

Wally sat up, amusement gleaming in his eyes. "Oh, it's so on. Prepare to lose." He grabbed another pillow.

 ~The End~


End file.
